Beware: Mansplainer behind

I’d just cruised uphill on my e-bike*, a fold-up two-wheeler I’d been struggling to take seriously, what with its little wheels, sit-up-and-beg handlebars and toddlers’ pedalling radius. Truth is, the only thing to recommend it is the motor. Otherwise, it’s a toy, hugely outranked by every other road or hybrid bike I’ve ever ridden. I'd considered selling it. But on this day, I’d found a new love for my plaything.

It was my second attempt that morning to get across Melbourne to a ten-thirty meeting. I’d aborted the first after a three-kilometre ride up and down a valley and along a bike path when I realised my phone was still at home on the charger. Had I been riding my push-bike, returning to retrieve my phone would have been a sweaty struggle. I’d have cancelled my day out.

Yet there I was, breathing easily at the top of the hill, pleased with my little bicycle’s power.

Signalling to move right, I glimpsed another cyclist a couple of metres behind me. ‘You’re okay,’ he called, waving me ahead. As I waited for traffic at the intersection, he pulled up on my left. He smiled and nodded, as if we were companions on a Sunday jaunt.

I sensed him beside me as I surged across the road - you can do that on an e-bike. Fun. Then we were neck and neck, with him riding out in the middle of the quiet street. I couldn’t seem to shake him off, so I stopped trying. He seemed harmless.

A shortish man, riding a toy like mine, he had shaggy grey hair fraying out below his helmet.

‘You want to be careful riding that.’ Friendly, but unsolicited counsel. ‘Stay out of the traffic,’ he added.

My e-bike is shiny and still has plastic film over its trip computer, suggesting perhaps an old ‘dear’ taking her first cautious solo ride. Mansplainer bait.

It seemed my accidental chum was up for a chat so I resigned myself to it. Experience has taught me that perceived impoliteness can incur a rebuke. I shared my reservations about my new toy; told him I’d already considered selling it.

‘Don’t throw it on the scrapheap yet,’ he advised. ‘You just need to get used to the smaller wheels.’

Me, thinking: I’ve got the hang of it, mate. After more than 200 kilometres riding it, I’d had quite enough of its inadequate manual gears and had even swapped its original wide-arse saddle for something more comfortable.

‘I haven’t got a car any more,’ he said. ‘I’ve just got this’. His bike was vaguely similar to mine. ‘My doctor told me I need to get more exercise.’ He chuckled, knowing he was just throttling along at 6 kph, not even pedalling. He trailed one foot, like those ubiquitous delivery riders.

‘You should only ride on the trails,’ he advised. ‘You know, the bike paths? Moonee Ponds Creek trail? And there’s one along the Upfield train line.’ He was scanning a map in his brain and sharing it with me.

‘Actually, I’m a seasoned cyclist,’ I said. ‘Long time bike commuter? You know, for years I used to ride to and from work? I’ve cycled around Melbourne for ages.’ Just making it clear.

‘There’s the Capital City Trail. You can mostly stay off the roads. Drivers are dangerous.’ Apparently, I can’t be too careful.

‘Yes, I’ve been riding my whole life.’ I popped this into a brief gap in his monologue.

‘You can’t trust drivers,’ he warned.

‘I know. I’ve been abused and had empty cans thrown at me.’ Interesting? Evidently not. Suppose he could have been deaf.

‘Just stick to the parks and cycle paths and you’ll be right.’

‘I’ve cycled through Vietnam. A hundred kay on one day, and all over France and Germany,’ I piped in.

‘Take it easy and you’ll soon get the hang of it.’ He was leaning over his handlebars, his left toe skimming the ground. ‘Just start with shorter rides.’

We’d come to a roundabout. ‘Well, I’m off to Tai Chi,’ he announced.

‘I’m off to Fitzroy Gardens.’ We were about 9 kilometres away in West Brunswick.

‘Ooh, that’s a long trip,’ he noted, concern in his voice.

‘Yes, it is,’ I said, accelerating at last, incredibly glad to have that little motor to make good my escape. ‘Byeee!’

* After heaps of research I bought a Leitner Libelle. Including delivery and assembly at a bike shop it cost just under $1500. Note: it isn't as easy to fold and lift as it appears in the video on the website. Who knew?